Love is not always the happily-ever-after that we think it is. We would surely have moments of disappointments, anger, irritation, and whole lot more different (and negative) emotions when we love a person. But these negative feelings sometimes stem from our own wishes and expectations from life. When we begin to weave dreams and wishes for what we thought was love, and then things don’t happen the way we envisioned it to be, that’s when we feel disappointments. Disappointments because something or someone did not live up to a certain standards. Then we start to beat ourselves up emotionally, wondering what just happened, what we did wrong, what should we do next. Or we find someone to blame for these disappointments.
I’d seen a romantic-comedy movie recently about a guy who was deemed “unloveable” because of his problematic personality. Portrayed to be someone who wanted to prove to his family that he was a capable leader for the company, the guy is mean and extremely strict towards his employees, and sometimes doesn’t realize how much he has hurt other people’s feelings. Later in the story, the guy is revealed to be the illegitimate youngest son of the company owner, and the reason that he is so driven to succeed is because he just wanted to be accepted by his half-siblings. The guy wanted to please his family, thinking that was the only way to “deserve” their love. And when the project he was handling fell through, he distanced himself from the girl who loves him (even though he had developed feelings for her). He told her to have pity on herself, because she will only get tired of hoping, wishing, and waiting for the love to be returned. As the guy said it, I couldn’t help but realize that his words mainly referred to the guy’s hope of being accepted by his father’s family. He was seeking for an affirmation of love, and upon finding none, decided to give up altogether.
I think experiencing negative emotions is inevitable for everyone; there’s no such thing as a “perfect” life. But how we react to the struggles and sufferings we face is what we can control. We have the choice to approach these negative emotions in either an optimistic or pessimistic manner. When we treat these struggles in a positive manner, we can think of them as a challenge meant to make us stronger. It is when we find ourselves vulnerable that we learn to discover our limitations and work with that. Sometimes we just need to find our motivation to live—something to keep us going when things get tough. For the guy in the movie, his motivation was to get his family to accept him. But when he made the decision to give up the fight (for his job and employees), he also lost the one person who accepted and loved him despite being “unloveable.”
So whenever you think that you don’t “deserve” love, think about the people you know (family, friends, colleagues, even remote acquaintances). There’s bound to be at least one who care about you and what you do. If things get tough, remember that it’s much better to continue the fight (even if it’s hard) than to give up so easily, because you’ll never know when things will suddenly look up and get better. When you give up, you lose your opportunity to change things.
If there’s anything that is more valuable than money that you can offer to the people/things you love, it would be time. Once time is spent, you can’t get it back. Great artists honed their skills by spending tremendous amount of time on their craft. Day in, day out, they would make something everyday, or try out a new technique until they get the hang of it. And when they’ve mastered the technique, they would make more products in order to stretch the limits of their skill and knowledge. As for people, we spend time with family and friends to strengthen our bond with them. We talk and hang out with them to know more about their daily lives, and from there we maintain the emotional connection. The more time we spend with them, the more we value our relationships.
Spending time doing things you love, whether it’s a simple task like reading, cooking, or cleaning the house, is very important—not only for others, but also for yourself. It is when you’ve accepted that you like doing a certain routine, activity, or people, that you realize what kind of person you are. You also discover your values, ideals, and priorities. After you’ve spent time with someone or something, memories will be what you will mostly remember, not precisely the amount of time you spent. Yes, occasionally you would remember how long you’ve talked on the phone with your family, but the fact that you did something with someone/something you love is what really matters. In relationships, other people will remember you for what good (or bad) you’ve done for them, no matter how small a gesture it is.
It’s also when you spend time with things or people you love that you feel a little bit of happiness, even momentarily. We may not feel happy all day every single day, but I think it’s also good to do something for yourself that makes you happy—whether it’s chatting with high school friends you haven’t talked to for months, reading a fiction novel in two hours, or having dinner and movie date with the occasionally annoying siblings. Even doing things that may not necessarily cause immediate happiness (i.e. doing house chores or going to work)—we should also do it. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and keeps us going everyday. It’s a reminder that we’re alive, and we still have a purpose in this world.
Indeed, I believe that we’re living in the world for a certain purpose—it’s just that we don’t know that exact purpose. So we live on… struggling with life, living with family and friends, coping with work stress…. it definitely has something to do with finding out the purpose of our life.
I love watching films, especially ones about romance, comedy, and self-discovery. I’ve compiled the best lines/quotes from the films that I really like, primarily because I wanted to know what love meant to people (at least in the fictional world). We may not realize it, but we sometimes tend to use films as a reference or basis for what love might be, could be. Even when writers and filmmakers delivered stories that are too-good-to-be-true, we still hope that love can happen to us in a similar manner. Movies, then, have established the “ideal” love stories; perhaps that’s why we have the phrase “like the movies.” I also included some inspiring quotes related to passion for a profession or dreams, because sometimes it’s that passion that makes them want to keep on going with life.
“Jaime saved my life. She taught me everything–about life, hope and the long journey ahead. I’ll always miss her. But our love is like the wind; I can’t see it, but I can feel it.” – Landon Carter (A Walk to Remember, 2002)
“What really happened may not have a happy ending. But love just doesn’t happen to girls like me–girls who built their hopes on an intricate web of daydreams. The truth is, is that everyone has issues, and maybe building up a fake, perfect man in my mind was my biggest issue of all. I’ve been walking around with the ghost of my ‘magic man.’ He’s been haunting me, keeping me from recognizing a world of opportunities that were right in front of me. But there’s no such thing as perfection. …Love is for people who are realistic, and smart enough to open their hearts and minds, and to realize that a real relationship is the ultimate fantasy. I haven’t found that relationship yet, but I’ve shaken off the shadow of my ‘magic man’ and I’m finding myself.” -Lane Daniels (Beauty and the Briefcase, 2010)
“The streets are supposed to be about different people coming together. We call this a battle, but what are we fighting for? We’re all here because we have this thing we do–we dance, right? Being a part of the streets means much more than turf or power, it was about bringing something new to the floor. And it shouldn’t matter what we wear, what school, or what neighborhood we’re from, because the best part about the streets is that it’s not about what you’ve got—it’s what you make of what you’ve got.” -Andie West (Step Up 2: The Streets, 2008)
“You never asked me why I love to dance. Do you want to know why? I dance because dance can change things. One move, can set a whole generation for you, like Elvis. One move can make you believe like you’re something more. And some moves, can give a skinny, curly-haired kid that just wants to dance some hope.” -Robert Alexander the Third a.k.a Moose (Step Up 3D, 2010)
“Passion makes people go on to do exceptional things.” -Guy interviewing Casey Carlyle (Ice Princess, 2005)
“I know I upset you when I said being with you was a risk, but the truth is, nothing is really worthwhile in life unless you do take a risk. That’s why I took the risk with continuing the wedding with Kirsten. I thought it would provide me with a cover I need to find a loophole in the law. But unfortunately, we failed. So if this means I have to give up the throne, then so be it.” -Prince Edvard (The Prince and Me 2: The Royal Wedding, 2006)
I was checking my Facebook account when I came across a few interesting text-graphics. It’s simple, straightforward, and makes sense.
There are occasions wherein we worry so much about what other people would think about us, hoping they would like us if we behave like them. Or at least act like the way you think would appeal to them. Humans are social creatures; I doubt there’s anyone who would willingly isolate themselves from society (unless you’re eccentric like Edward Scissorhands). We want to fit in, be able to carry a casual conversation with someone, and expand our social circles. But somewhere along the way, you discover that your personality and identity just doesn’t match/click with a certain group. So you have to make a choice—whether change yourself to fit in with that group, or step away in order to retain yourself. And so you distance yourself from them, all the while feeling awkward and lonely. Then you move on with your life, thinking there must surely be another group of people who would appreciate you in your entirety. Sure enough, you realize that those kind of friends have been around you for years, and just didn’t realize it.
They’re the type of friends who support you in everything you do, and gives you comments/criticisms/suggestions without fear of offending you. You may have totally different interests, work in different fields/industries, come from different walks of life–the fact remains that you simply enjoy talking to each other (about anything and everything under the sun). They would understand and not take it against you if you have to cancel on a meet-up or appointment, whether your excuse is that you’re busy with work, or too lazy to go out. They accept you for who you are; they do not force you to change your behavior/habits (unless it’s a bad vice that would put your health and life at risk, of course).
And then you realize that because these friends have accepted you–faults and all, you begin to love yourself a little bit more. You learn to appreciate yourself–your dreams, ideas, skills (life, academic, professional), values, personality, looks. And after getting to know different kinds of people, you realize that you’re happier being yourself than trying to change who you are.