Love is not always the happily-ever-after that we think it is. We would surely have moments of disappointments, anger, irritation, and whole lot more different (and negative) emotions when we love a person. But these negative feelings sometimes stem from our own wishes and expectations from life. When we begin to weave dreams and wishes for what we thought was love, and then things don’t happen the way we envisioned it to be, that’s when we feel disappointments. Disappointments because something or someone did not live up to a certain standards. Then we start to beat ourselves up emotionally, wondering what just happened, what we did wrong, what should we do next. Or we find someone to blame for these disappointments.
I’d seen a romantic-comedy movie recently about a guy who was deemed “unloveable” because of his problematic personality. Portrayed to be someone who wanted to prove to his family that he was a capable leader for the company, the guy is mean and extremely strict towards his employees, and sometimes doesn’t realize how much he has hurt other people’s feelings. Later in the story, the guy is revealed to be the illegitimate youngest son of the company owner, and the reason that he is so driven to succeed is because he just wanted to be accepted by his half-siblings. The guy wanted to please his family, thinking that was the only way to “deserve” their love. And when the project he was handling fell through, he distanced himself from the girl who loves him (even though he had developed feelings for her). He told her to have pity on herself, because she will only get tired of hoping, wishing, and waiting for the love to be returned. As the guy said it, I couldn’t help but realize that his words mainly referred to the guy’s hope of being accepted by his father’s family. He was seeking for an affirmation of love, and upon finding none, decided to give up altogether.
I think experiencing negative emotions is inevitable for everyone; there’s no such thing as a “perfect” life. But how we react to the struggles and sufferings we face is what we can control. We have the choice to approach these negative emotions in either an optimistic or pessimistic manner. When we treat these struggles in a positive manner, we can think of them as a challenge meant to make us stronger. It is when we find ourselves vulnerable that we learn to discover our limitations and work with that. Sometimes we just need to find our motivation to live—something to keep us going when things get tough. For the guy in the movie, his motivation was to get his family to accept him. But when he made the decision to give up the fight (for his job and employees), he also lost the one person who accepted and loved him despite being “unloveable.”
So whenever you think that you don’t “deserve” love, think about the people you know (family, friends, colleagues, even remote acquaintances). There’s bound to be at least one who care about you and what you do. If things get tough, remember that it’s much better to continue the fight (even if it’s hard) than to give up so easily, because you’ll never know when things will suddenly look up and get better. When you give up, you lose your opportunity to change things.
I was checking my Facebook account when I came across a few interesting text-graphics. It’s simple, straightforward, and makes sense.
There are occasions wherein we worry so much about what other people would think about us, hoping they would like us if we behave like them. Or at least act like the way you think would appeal to them. Humans are social creatures; I doubt there’s anyone who would willingly isolate themselves from society (unless you’re eccentric like Edward Scissorhands). We want to fit in, be able to carry a casual conversation with someone, and expand our social circles. But somewhere along the way, you discover that your personality and identity just doesn’t match/click with a certain group. So you have to make a choice—whether change yourself to fit in with that group, or step away in order to retain yourself. And so you distance yourself from them, all the while feeling awkward and lonely. Then you move on with your life, thinking there must surely be another group of people who would appreciate you in your entirety. Sure enough, you realize that those kind of friends have been around you for years, and just didn’t realize it.
They’re the type of friends who support you in everything you do, and gives you comments/criticisms/suggestions without fear of offending you. You may have totally different interests, work in different fields/industries, come from different walks of life–the fact remains that you simply enjoy talking to each other (about anything and everything under the sun). They would understand and not take it against you if you have to cancel on a meet-up or appointment, whether your excuse is that you’re busy with work, or too lazy to go out. They accept you for who you are; they do not force you to change your behavior/habits (unless it’s a bad vice that would put your health and life at risk, of course).
And then you realize that because these friends have accepted you–faults and all, you begin to love yourself a little bit more. You learn to appreciate yourself–your dreams, ideas, skills (life, academic, professional), values, personality, looks. And after getting to know different kinds of people, you realize that you’re happier being yourself than trying to change who you are.